How do colleges expect you to write about yourself in 1000 words?
There are so many things I feel make me stand out from everyone else, and I just can’t quite decide which one to write about. There’s my childish love for puzzles, anything involves logic. There’s my passion for exploring and…
Kind of sounds like the average person no offense.
It’s good that you think that you have so many characteristics that make you stand out from everybody. Most people can’t even think of a couple.
<3
youth retreat is going to be different; no college kiddos! I STILL need to sign up. I need to go to chuuurch.
Same God :)
Wow
Short story: … well there’s no short way to explain everything, the bottom line is that I feel like crap because I blame everything bad that ever happens on myself. So when multiple things go wrong, when more than one thing is making me think too much, I get really emotional and I break down.
Sorry, to people who saw me at church today.
I guess it was obvious. So obvious that three people had to pray for me. Gah. I don’t like getting “attention” like that. Like, sympathy… I absolutely hate showing how vulnerable I can be. But when pastor Adam saw me alone in the kitchen and asked if I was okay, I immediately just cried in front of him. It just happened :| totally involuntary >
So let me start with the beginning of today. I woke up early because who knows why. Cleaned my room, … blah blah went about my day normally. Went to Fremont to help out with the restaurant… church thing started at 4 but I ended up getting there around 5:30 or something. By that time though I was already … ._. down. Honestly, there’s not one particular reason as to why i’m like this right now. It was when I got to church. For some reason, before going in, I just thought about stuff and suddenly there I was all alone. Pastor Adam left me in one of the classrooms, then I guess he sent Karen to come see if i was okay. For the rest of the time, I was just ‘bleh’, and every now and then I would tear up randomly. I didn’t eat. I left early-ish. AND I was supposed to sing, but wasn’t really in any state to do so… >
Like I said, there’s a lot of reasons. And again, blaming it on myself: I feel like… in all the roles I play in life, I do a sucky job of being that person. A daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, best friend, girlfriend, sister in Christ, godmother, cousin, niece, student, human being… I don’t think I’m doing a good job on being any of those things. About that last one: it’s because I’m not even eating or sleeping right these days. Now I’m really really confused and I think about all the things that I could have done.
Maybe I’m being too hard on myself.
I don’t like making a scene though. I don’t like it when it shows that I’ve had a bad day. And when people try to cheer me up, I feel even worse. But thank you, to the people who try :) it does help.
I’ll pray about it. Don’t worrrrry, Happy Denise will be back soon! :) Actually, I’m somewhat okay right now. I should really cheer up cause I’m turning 16 in like three days. And my dad’s coming back the day before. :D 2 weeks later will be my party :O So yeah, besides my eyes being swollen and this mini headache, I’m pretty much alright. Being emo isn’t my thing. -____- I think after a nice sleep I’ll be okay. I’ll be okaaaaaaaaay, pfftttt of course. Duh-niece ish too cool to be emo… -_- lol wth. Uhm okey.
I was so happy when you smiled
Your smile breaks through the clouds of grey
Far from the sunny days that lie in sleep
Awaiting the patience for the spring
When the flowers will bloom renewed again
Knowing there’s more beyond the pain of today
Although the scars from yesterday remain,
You can go on living as much as your heart believes
You can’t be born again although you can change
Let’s stay together always.
e-mail me.
Boy Meets Girl
Okay. So Andrew left Boy Meets Girl for Esther and me to read before he left and he didn’t finish it, so I’m extremely grateful that he would sacrifice his book for me to read.
So I basically finished this book in 3 days of straight reading. It was an interesting book and I read it everywhere- I mean EVERYWHERE. I read it on the MTR to school, I read it on buses, I read during class (people looked at me weird because of the title), I read it at the library during study hall and during lunch, and I read it during prayer meeting.
When I was reading it at prayer meeting, a person there said that the author, Joshua Harris, was extreme. I thought to myself, why can’t I be extreme about things in my life. I always want to know where the line is and make sure I can get as close to it as possible but not go across it. Why can’t I stay as far away from the line as possible?
Anyways, as a lot of people know, I have a problem with girls. In a talk I had with Andrew, I was talking to him about a friend of mine that happened to be a girl, and he jokingly asked me why all my friends were girls. I know this was a joke, but I can’t ignore the fact that all my recent close friends that I made were girls. Why am I so attracted to them? And why do I easily like them so much. This might sound like it’s not that big of a deal, but it is, because I always put emotional pressure on girls and I always expect some back from them.
Thus, realizing my problem, I hoped that I could find some answers in this book.
When I started reading, I realized how easy it was to read. Joshua Harris talks in a very personal tone and uses specific examples from real life to teach us.
The book is divided into three parts: Rethinking Romance, The Season of Courtship, and Before you say “I Do.”
I learned a lot from these three sections, and I will definitely read this book again as a reference when I am older and actually consider courting a girl.
One of the major things I got out of the book is what kind of girl to look for. “A woman of faith is worth more than a pile of rubies.” This statement comes from the last chapter in Proverbs.
Proverbs 31:10-31 (New International Version)
10[a] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
The wife of noble character described is the PERFECT Godly woman. Of course, not many women can ever live up to these standards, but there are some that can come close.
I’ve realized that I’ve liked so many girls for the wrong reasons. Lets face it, there are many beautiful women out there, and many of them are outgoing and know how to make you laugh. I’ve been particularly attracted to these kinds of females, and I tend to talk to them 7-8 hours a day. But you can ask anyone. After 3-4 months, we just suddenly drift away. Even if we had so much in common, we just run out of things to talk about. And it feels that all my time spent on talking with them has just gone down the drain.
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
I’ve only met a few women that truly feared the Lord. I can talk to them ANYTIME and we can catch up instantly. I’ve realized that my emotions would not be enough to carry on a relationship, but inviting the Holy Spirit and filling our conversations with talks about God can keep the relationship strong. I can only say that I consistently talk to one person about God all the time, but that person is someone I would like to have a as a friend for the rest of my life.
Another major thing I got out of the book was that I should always include the wisdom of God in my relationships. Not just with girls, but with all my friends.
I have recently realized that all my close friends- well my only real friends- are from church. With friends with Christian values, we are able to encourage each other or warn each other if what we are doing is discouraging or not Godly. The way we treat each other is also influenced by the bible. For some of my friends, I try my best not to do anything discouraging to their walk with God. I am praying that I can do this with all my friends, but without the presence of the Holy Spirit in our conversations, it is very hard not to. Please pray for me.
Lastly, I learned about my role as a true Brother in Christ.
It kind of makes me mad when I think about how I’ve treated women in the past. I think I have more or less discouraged their walks with God and I feel really guilty. This goes back to my need for emotional feedback. Especially for girls. And if I don’t receive it, I get a little upset. One quote that really hit me is one of St. Francis.
“O Divine Master
Grant that I might not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.”
The gist of what he is saying is: Why do we want to be loved, when instead we can love?
Why should I expect anything out of women, when I can show them I care? Isn’t that enough?
As a brother in Christ, I should care and love for girls nonetheless. In my opinion, I think girls are likely to stumble in their walk in general, and they need as much encouragement as possible. I’ve decided to be a man and love people nonetheless and offer encouragement and prayer.
These are the three main things I’ve learned from this book, and it really made me realize a lot of things about the way I act. If you haven’t read this book, I recommend that you buy your own book and read it for yourself.
:)
Hopefully I can reflect another book soon.
Four books in Two Weeks
Lately I’ve been reading a lot.
After Andrew left me his book, Boy Meets Girl, by Joshua Harris, I’ve been seeking other books with Christian authors. I’ve read the prequel to Boy Meets Girl, and two other books I have found on my own. All four of these books have different impacts on me.
Hopefully if I have time during the weekend, or during one of my study halls, I will reflect upon these books and the things I have learned from them.
